Filed under: food, minutia, rant | Tags: disappointing, douche nozzles, greedy, reasons why i'm a douche
There are moments in life of which you’re not proud. For me, tonight was one of those nights.
KFC and Oprah (that’s right, Oprah) were offering a free 2 piece chicken with sides coupon in order to promote KFC’s new grilled chicken. And so today, after working up an appetite at the gym, I headed over to my not so local KFC, coupon in hand, to get in on this deal.
When I got there, as expected, there was a line up to the door. And so I got in line behind a guy my age and an old lady who was in front of him.
The old lady excitedly asked the guy in front of me, “Are you here because of Oprah too?”
He knew nothing of the Oprah connection, only that there was free chicken.
She then turned to me and asked, “What about you?”
I said, “I wouldn’t be standing in such a long line if free chicken weren’t involved.”
Satisfied, she turned back to face the front of the line. Turning back occasionally to try to make small talk with the guy in front of me, while I turned my attention to the Super Puzzle Bobble game on my phone.
About 30 minutes later, it was the old lady’s turn to order.
Old Lady: “Oprah said to come down to KFC for a free meal.”
Cashier: “Do you have your coupon?”
Old Lady: “I don’t have a coupon, Oprah said just to ask for the free meal.”
Cashier: “I’m sorry ma’am, but you need the coupon from the internet.”
Old Lady: “But I don’t have a computer! And I waited in this line this whole time!”
The old lady then pulled out a different coupon for a free drumstick.
Casher: “I’m sorry, but this is a coupon for a free drumstick with purchase.”
Defeated, the old lady took her coupon and headed towards the door.
Now at this moment, what I should have done was offer the old lady my coupon. Afterall, she is old and probably has no idea what the internet is and I’m sure Oprah wasn’t very succinct with her instructions. Also, it was only about five dollars worth of chicken. It’s not like I was standing in a bread line to feed my starving family.
But I didn’t do this. In fact, it didn’t even occur to me to do this until five minutes after she had left.
Instead I just waited for her to walk away before I turned to the people behind me and mockingly shook my fist in the air and said:
“Damn you, Oprah!”
Which was good for about half a chuckle.
Now just how fucked up in the head am I that I don’t even think to help someone out until five minutes after they leave? Have I gotten so mistrustful of strangers and so self involved that I can’t even identify moments where I could easily help out an old person? Not only that, I went out of my to make a joke at her expense.
Although to be fair, there was a line of at least fifteen people, and not a single one of them surrendered their coupons either. Not that this makes me feel any better, in fact I think this says a lot about the people in Los Angeles.
Also they ended up making a mistake on my order and I ended up getting three sides instead of two. So I was actually rewarded for being a douche.
I am a horrible person.
Stupid Oprah.
So when it comes to Rock Band vs Guitar Hero World Tour, I fall squarely into the Rock Band camp. Or rather, when it comes to Harmonix vs Neversoft, I fall squarely into the Harmonix camp.
Harmonix has always done good work with GH, GH2, RB and RB2. Meanwhile, Neversoft has only had one other hit, namely their Tony Hawk series which originally, I was a big fan of, that is until they drove the franchise into the ground with eight pointless sequels. With that I’m sure they drove away any real talent they had and now they couldn’t even rip off Rock Band without fucking up. Case in point, Guitar Hero World Tour.
I picked up a copy of GHWT today because one of my old guitars was failing and I figured I might as well get the game along with a new wireless guitar. Now I already own RB and RB2, and I should have known better having hated GH3 and Neversoft’s policy of substituting more notes and pointless boss battles in lieu of fun gameplay. But the one thing that GHWT has going for it, a good selection of songs, convinced me otherwise.
Having only played GHWT on drums for an hour or so, I can safely say that I hate it. I really hate it. Here’s why:
-They cram all of the already hard to read progress meters, points, multipliers, and star power meters into the corner where it’s really hard to read with your peripherals. If I’m busy concentrating on a bunch of falling dots, the last thing I need is to hunt to see how much star power I have or how bad I’m failing, that stuff should be up front and easy to read without having to move your eyes.
-There are very few fills on drums, and the few that I’ve seen aren’t freestyle. Maybe I just haven’t played enough songs, but that shouldn’t even be an issue.
-Most of the songs I’ve played are very guitar centric. In other words, getting to play Michael Jackson’s Beat It on guitar is likely to be a lot more fun than it was on drums, seeing as you’re the equivalent of a drum machine. Harmonix may have more obscure songs, but at least they know how to pick songs that are fun to play for everyone and not just the guitarist.
-Billy motherfucking Corgan and his stupid silver skirt. Don’t get me wrong, I used to be a big Smashing Pumpkins fan back in high school, but now they’re a joke, or more specifically Billy Corgan is a joke. You don’t even unlock him after playing Today, you unlock the privilege to buy his character with your hard earned in-game gig money. Why couldn’t I just make my avatar in his likeness if I wanted to look like a bald sissy in a skirt and save my money for something else?
-Speaking of my hard earned in-game gig money, after completing three stages or so, I run into a whole set list of Tool. How fucking sweet is that? Apparently not fucking sweet at all because they won’t let me play it until I have $8,000 of in-game gig money. What the fuck is that? I understand the concept of having to purchase or unlock songs in the GH universe, but why tease me with set list so early on when I don’t even have half that amount? They made it look like any other set list too, but this one I had to pay to play when no other one I’ve encounter had that requirement. It’s like they knew that all the Tool fans would get super excited at the sight of that set list, only to deny them from playing it and then forcing them to play shit like Wings. Yeah, that right, mother fucking Wings.
Neversoft, stop being dicks.
Filed under: minutia, rant | Tags: operationfuckallofyouillgobymyself, This American Life
So in continuation of Operation: Fuck All Of You, I’ll Just Go By Myself, I went to the Fathom Events presentation of the This American Life Live behind the scenes, one night only extravaganza at my local participating theater, Century City 15. It was like paying 21 bucks to watch a television show, in a theater, surrounded by like minded strangers. It was alright.
A few things…
I got into This American Life one summer during college while I spent most of my days working in the basement of a museum, helping old people and faculty with their computers. I stumbled onto it after following up on an appearance by Sarah Vowell or David Sedaris on Late Nite with Conan O’Brien. I pretty much went through their entire archive that summer, so whenever pledge time rolls around and they talk about how hard it is to keep the streaming (now podcasts) free, I get especially guilty.
So I knew that This American Life was popular, but for some reason I had envisioned the target audience (myself included) to be a bunch of hermits who wouldn’t show up for these screenings. Even I pulled the trigger on a ticket at the last moment. But as it turns out, 2 of the 3 theaters in my area were sold out, and the theater that I went to was about 70 percent full. The Public Radio crowd is diverse, alive, and well. They also like to applaud at people who cannot hear them, which I find kind of annoying.
I always thought that broadcasting these events at theaters was a brilliant idea. It’s like the next step in Pay Per View, though I don’t feel as ripped off regular Pay Per View since I’m sitting in a theater where I already pay inflated prices to watch movies in. And at 20 bucks a screening, I’m sure it makes more money than the 56th consecutive showing of whatever Lindsey Lohan movie is playing nowadays.
The Westfields in Century City has a really fucked up parking system. Ever since the renovation a few years ago, the parking garage has been nothing but a cluster fuck of angry and confused people. They basically removed the human operated booths at the exits and replaced them with an automated ticket taking slot, much like the ones of which you get your ticket out from. You have the option of paying here or at one of the few payment machines scattered near the escalators that go from the mall into the garage. The problem with these payment machines are that they are located right at the foot of each escalator, so during the rush out of the 8PM movie screenings, the lines at these payment machines get backed up to the foot of the escalator, so if you aren’t careful, you’ll find yourself escalating towards the ass end of an impatient crowd.
What’s worse is if you choose to pay at the exit, since it’s just a slot, you only have the option of paying by credit card. The problem here is that it takes forever for the person in the car to realize that they need to pay extra to get out of the garage, which backs up the line of cars waiting to get out, most of whom have already been escalated into the ass end of an impatient mob, and who then have had people escalated in their asses as they were a part of said impatient mob, and who are now waiting even longer to exit the garage. This has become such a problem that they now have people manning the automated ticket taking machine in order to ensure that transactions take place in a timely manner and that no fist fights break out over people clogging up the exits. This pretty much negates the whole automated idea to begin with.
It doesn’t take an architect or parking system engineer to realize how backwards the system is. It makes me not even want to go there anymore.
This is all.
I don’t understand stories like these. A woman making 70K a year gets laid off, burns through her savings in a matter of weeks, and is struggling due to her interest only mortgage payments.
And she used to be a loan processor?!
Maybe that’s why she got laid off.
I hate to make light of what is obviously a crappy situation, but this CNN fluff piece just makes me angry. She bitches about paying into the system and not getting anything in return, but then again, SHE OWNS A HOUSE IN CALIFORNIA.
Sell the house, move into an apartment, pay down your credit cards, and start budgeting. I can’t believe these middle class idiots are eating into the welfare system when there are still Katrina victims to help.
/rant
