SardonicAsshole

There are moments in life of which you’re not proud. For me, tonight was one of those nights.

KFC and Oprah (that’s right, Oprah) were offering a free 2 piece chicken with sides coupon in order to promote KFC’s new grilled chicken. And so today, after working up an appetite at the gym, I headed over to my not so local KFC, coupon in hand, to get in on this deal.

When I got there, as expected, there was a line up to the door. And so I got in line behind a guy my age and an old lady who was in front of him.

The old lady excitedly asked the guy in front of me, “Are you here because of Oprah too?”

He knew nothing of the Oprah connection, only that there was free chicken.

She then turned to me and asked, “What about you?”

I said, “I wouldn’t be standing in such a long line if free chicken weren’t involved.”

Satisfied, she turned back to face the front of the line. Turning back occasionally to try to make small talk with the guy in front of me, while I turned my attention to the Super Puzzle Bobble game on my phone.

About 30 minutes later, it was the old lady’s turn to order.

Old Lady: “Oprah said to come down to KFC for a free meal.”
Cashier: “Do you have your coupon?”
Old Lady: “I don’t have a coupon, Oprah said just to ask for the free meal.”
Cashier: “I’m sorry ma’am, but you need the coupon from the internet.”
Old Lady: “But I don’t have a computer! And I waited in this line this whole time!”

The old lady then pulled out a different coupon for a free drumstick.

Casher: “I’m sorry, but this is a coupon for a free drumstick with purchase.”

Defeated, the old lady took her coupon and headed towards the door.

Now at this moment, what I should have done was offer the old lady my coupon. Afterall, she is old and probably has no idea what the internet is and I’m sure Oprah wasn’t very succinct with her instructions. Also, it was only about five dollars worth of chicken. It’s not like I was standing in a bread line to feed my starving family.

But I didn’t do this. In fact, it didn’t even occur to me to do this until five minutes after she had left.

Instead I just waited for her to walk away before I turned to the people behind me and mockingly shook my fist in the air and said:

“Damn you, Oprah!”

Which was good for about half a chuckle.

Now just how fucked up in the head am I that I don’t even think to help someone out until five minutes after they leave? Have I gotten so mistrustful of strangers and so self involved that I can’t even identify moments where I could easily help out an old person? Not only that, I went out of my to make a joke at her expense.

Although to be fair, there was a line of at least fifteen people, and not a single one of them surrendered their coupons either. Not that this makes me feel any better, in fact I think this says a lot about the people in Los Angeles.

Also they ended up making a mistake on my order and I ended up getting three sides instead of two. So I was actually rewarded for being a douche.

I am a horrible person.

Stupid Oprah.